France was the 2nd country that I visited. Seeing that it was many moons ago and I was less of a refined gentleman, I have no photos of the event.
And to be honest, there isn’t that much to write about. I did very French things like drinking expensive coffee in pretentious places and eating my body weight in croissants. I watched mimers in the street and didn’t find them quite as endearing as everyone else seemed to find them. I ate food that now makes me wince because the older and better-read me now knows the truth behind it. (Foie gras?! N’importe quoi!!)
This significant period of my life gave birth to my ‘French Accent Goggles Syndrome.’ A serious, debilitating and chronic condition, which renders me mentally paralysed and unable to use logic when hearing a woman speak in ze sexy Franglais.
Side effects include poor decisions, weak knees and a wild stirring in my loins. Friends say it’s curable, but I’m not sure they quite understand the severity. I’m still seeking therapy, but no one seems to master in my disorder.
Maybe I didn’t try enough. Maybe it’s because I like polite people and I found the French anything but. Maybe it’s because Western Europe just didn’t seem to ‘do it‘ for me at the time.
I simply didn’t love France and you will not be seeing me proudly sharing enthusiastic photos in front of the Eiffel Tower, or pretending to be calm in the queue at Le Louvre. If you’re a Francophile and this post has gotten your French Knickers in a twist, then je suis désolé. We’ll just have to agree to disagree.
But it was all worth it for the sexy accent.
And I regret nothing.
Update: For those out there who are cowering in a corner, due to this tongue-in-cheek article from an immature traveller; I returned to France many years later and I had an incredible time.
The part of the country (Chamonix) that I visited during my Mont Blanc climb was probably the most beautiful town that I’ve ever seen in Europe, I loved the Louvre and the irony was not lost on me when I did indeed take happy snaps of myself from all angles of the Eiffel Tower!
Song for the Moment: Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien, by Edith Piaf
Notable Lyrics:
“Non, Rien de rien
Non, Je ne regrette rien.”
– Edith Piaf
