I put off meditation for a long time at first, in fact I didn’t even consider it as an option at all. It’s just the people who were selling it to me were so…annoying.
Yeah, I’m a judgemental dickwad. (But I believe that everyone is at the core, really).
And I’m starting to get ratty way too often.
I need to start meditating…again.
Not doing something positive because the messenger is annoying is an absurd reason not to do something positive. The reason why I opened up to it in the end was because I felt highly stressed and overwhelmed. The first time that I tried – I sat for hours getting frustrated that I couldn’t reach immediate mindfulness…also absurd.
Cristiano Ronaldo didn’t become a superstar footballer in one training session. He put several hours and dedication into it, and meditation is no different. Also, it’s good enough for Arnie.
I initially worried that if I meditated – I would lose my fire. I’m very determined and goal-driven, and for all of my flaws – I get shit done and 9/10 do what I say I’m going to do…and I really like that about myself.
I was concerned that meditation would make me too chill and that I’d transform into some sort of lazy, asexual bum with no ambition, or life purpose.
But the truth is, when I really got into it and had my meditation purple patch living in Bangkok the second time around, this time on my own – I actually excelled in all areas of my life; the gym, business, relationships and most importantly (for me) I was a lot more calm…but still completely in control of my life.
I was on a roll.
It genuinely made me a better man and added joy to my life. Happiness comes from experiences and external factors – but joy – you can only get that from the inside. Joy is organic and one of the keys to opening its door is through meditation.
Then I moved to Latin America and stopped meditating, shortly after I lost a grip of business and my life. But my bouncebackability game is strong. I made a plan, got my head down, rolled up my sleeves and within a year and a half I started making really good money again.
(Please, spare me the vacuous “money isn’t everything though” martyr comments – they literally add nothing to honest dialogue).
And now, instead of just being happy about the current situation that I’ve created – I’m terrified.
Petrified of losing it all again, which is an insane way to be. On top of that, my sleep is at an all-time low. I’ve suffered chronic insomnia all my life and it’s well and truly kicking my bum.
I believe the sleep issue to be the root of all problems that exist (mainly in my mind) and it’s negatively affecting my mental health.
Also, I am finding myself getting angry very easily. Anger can be a motivating factor for good at times, but 9 times out of 10 it’s a complete waste of energy. After taking on a Selective Information Diet Challenge, I fell off the wagon after completing it (I’m slowly getting back on), back into the smelly arms of politics and it reminded me of how ugly humans can be to one another.
And I obsessed over it.
And then I became absolutely mental.
Anxiety at an all-time high, sleep non-existent. Worrying about stuff that will probably never happen. Focusing on wayward friendships in my life as opposed to appreciating the definitive affinities that I do have.
Madness, madness I tell thee!
Starting from today – 30 minutes of meditation for 30 days. (With the aim of not stopping at 30 days, more like I’m going to restart a positive habit). I don’t have to do 30 minutes in one go – I can split it up, I just need to meditate for a combined total of 30 minutes every day.
I have a feeling this a damn good idea, if I do say so myself.
Care to join me?