I’m experimenting with a healthy new tradition before bed time (no, not that one) – I watch a short comedy before I sleep. I can get quite consumed by a lot of sad stuff and social injustices that appear on my newsfeed during the day so it’s good for me to feel more light-hearted before I get my fourty winks.
‘Modern Family’ (nothing short of genius) is my comedy of choice and my favourite character is Jay. He’s what you would call a ‘stand-up guy,’ or a ‘man’s man’ and he possesses the strong attributes which I believe could benefit the world.
In the latest episode that I watched, Jay is put in an awkward conversation when a boring couple who he met on vacation with his wife have forced themselves into a double dinner date. Jay’s wife Gloria also doesn’t want to be there, but is too nice to say so and gets drawn into doing something that she doesn’t want to do, oh and also they keep showing up uninvited at the house!
During the date Jay diplomatically and honestly tells the couple that even though he thinks they are nice people, they don’t have anything in common with one another and that they should just call it a day from here.
The couple are hurt and Jay is in the doghouse with his wife…for saying what they were both thinking. Now I’m not always a fan of 100% honesty. Sometimes tactical lying is necessary.
Do you really need to tell that polite guy at the bar who is trying his luck with you, that you are actually repulsed by him because he looks like Sloth from The Goonies?
Is it totally mandatory to tell your current girlfriend that your last lover was a much better kisser?
Of course not, but in this situation I’m pretty much ‘Team Jay.’ Jay later on explained to his wife that the older you get, the more you see time ticking away and you want to make sure you spend that time with the people who you love the most. I can certainly concur with this.
I’ve said it before – a crowded room can be the loneliest of places. Too many people are spending time with others who are simply not for them. That doesn’t always mean that these people are necessarily bad people. (But if you are consciously hanging out with bad people then you need to get a grip). It’s just that these people are not offering you any value and you’re just treading water with your precious time.
Why spend time with someone who doesn’t offer you any value? What exactly are you holding onto? I don’t always practice what I preach of course, but perfection is an impossible goal. The other day I consoled my mother about a friend who had continuously let her down and I said something like; “your problem is that you’re so loyal that you remember what people used to give you and did for you in the past, that you feel so obligated to be loyal to them now – regardless of how they are making you feel now.”
Which was true, but I have suffered that too and still do occasionally. Sometimes it’s hard to let go of what once was, but often it’s the best thing to do in order to grow. I’ve ‘done a Jay’ before and broken off friendships openly like that and it’s not easy. (However some were highly liberating as the person just sucked the life out of me). But it’s a lot easier than having to spend time with people who aren’t on the same frequency as you.
I’ve allowed friendships to slip away naturally because mutual parties have clearly felt the same and lately I am trying to strengthen relationships which I let slip away because I was too lazy to make an effort. “I’ve been very busy” just doesn’t cut it, ladies and gents. Friendships are highly underestimated in todays fast-paced, distraction-laden society and they need constant nourishment or they die. Plants. Friendships are like plants.
People don’t like to waste money – I don’t either but I get over it pretty quickly as you can always make money back. Wasting time, on the other hand makes me feel very anxious indeed. You can’t get that back. So let’s stop all this over-polite bullshit eh? Start respecting yourself and your time and don’t be afraid to say “no” to people who are weighing you down like an anchor, or just not making you feel anything at all.
Choose value and give value and don’t settle for anything less than what you believe you deserve.